Thursday, April 14, 2011

Bad Advise From Good People


Good intentions. Who among us are without them. Intentions are like... opinions. Everyone's got one. Or; There's nothing more annoying than a well meaning asshole. Doing Well is not the same as Intending Well. In a highly polarized world it appears the uniting bond is mere intention. In the words of Tiberius Caesar "These statues DO!" And to steal an idea from the Hitchhikers's Guide to The Galaxy... I'm buying a robot that will believe things that I am unable to believe in myself. "Hey you believe me don't you? - No but I have a robot that will". I ask; What is the value of good intentions (other than not being bad). A great deal of good intention seems to accompany bad results. Is there a level of intent. Can a we measure the amount of a persons intent?

I'm not going to define the word - intention. We all know what it is and what it means. You were going to do something or think something and you forgot. It slipped your mind. You just haven't gotten around to it. Can a person attain great command over their ability to express wonderful intentions without the responsibility of producing desirable results. Yes I wax rhetorical.

A great amount of bullshit can be sold if mixed with a little truth. It's as if you keep the bullshit thick so the truth is even more noticeable. "I'm sorry I can't understand you. Could you bullshit me more so I can more clearly comprehend the point you are trying to avoid". Walk into a room and dramatically freeze and state that you "feel a weird presence" and watch how many people agree with you. I don't want to elaborate any further on the Germanic Anglo preoccupation with fecal matter. It's weird and I don't care if I'm coming off as closed minded. Just say no to public excretion and regurgitation. Jesus H. Christ isn't there already laws in place to protect me from having to see this sort of behavior? Yes you can turn the channel but you can't unsee a vomituous commercial fast enough to turn your eyes or mute the remote.

Colored water has probably made more dishonest money than any other nonvolatile substance on the face of the planet. The numbers game is on your side when selling snake oil. The placebo effect explains how so many forms of "healing" are validated. People heal on their own without intervention of any kind. Bullshit artists sell you colored water knowing that 3 out of 5 will heal regardless - and then lay claim to being responsible for the results. The blue coloring wasn't bad for you. The water was not bad for you. But telling you that blue water was responsible for your recovery is a deception that even learned people accept. Perhaps our unending need for gimmicks beget this acceptance.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Surviving Random Variables

Beyond training in martial arts I don't engage in high risk activities as I have in my youth. I bought a motorcycle last week as a primary means of transportation. I wasn't really in the market for a motorcycle but one became available and I had to jump on the "opportunity". "One mans opportunity is another mans crisis"... and that's how the saying went on a sunny afternoon while I innocently waited at a stop light... BAM. I get rear ended by a white woman in a mini-van while she's text-ing.
Being the skeptic sort I get uneasy when streams of bad things happen. Especially when they happen to me. I pride myself in my level of self control and when control starts slipping away I'm forced to reassess my wits. It blows my mind how so many people get away with living"normal" lives without having seemingly a particle of control in their entire body. You know the type and perhaps you're one of "them". They walk across busy highways oblivious to traffic and go unharmed. They jump off of high mountains and buildings and remain unscathed. They lick the floors of public urinals and never get sick. To me they are the only "real" proof of god or a higher power and he is definitely on "their" side.

I am living the opposite reality of "theirs". I'm bound by Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong will... in SPADES! This has taken me aback for many years. But as I approach "old age" I've come to realize the concept of random variables. Wikipedia reads: " a random variable can be thought of as a quantity whose value is not fixed, but which can take on different values". This certainly explains the value of insurance companies. They make their living off of random variables as most Americans do I suppose.

So it seems as if I am pushing the boundaries of chance but I'm actually a victim of random variable. I've done everything in my power to prevent being a victim of circumstance but no one can control the Random Variable. Luck is your best friend when it comes to the random variable. Gives new meaning to my Grandmothers saying "if it weren't for bad luck you'd have no luck at all".

So living a life of having to survive an onslaught of random variable (and I have plenty of eye witnesses) has at least made me prepare for it. And when you prepare for a random variable it doesn't surprise you as much as it catches you off guard. And when you neglect to prepare for a "known random variable" you really can't whine too much. You knew the unknown was bound to happen. I'll have to resort to another age old saying. "Expect the best but prepare for the worst". Perhaps it should replace "In God We Trust" on the dollar bill. "In Random Variables We Fear" doesn't really flow now does it?

Write On... Z